Alright fella's, that time has come around again where you have to shell out some cash for that special one you love. Some people are more monetarily equipped for this season than others, but if you have a real woman by your side;then what you buy isn't as important as to the thought that comes behind it. And that's what this article's about. This letter goes out to all those dumb ass guys who fail to put thought in their gifts. This, my dear readers, is to allow you to still have a girlfriend by the time Sweetie's Day rolls around. This is a list of what NOT to get your girlfriend for Valentine's Day. So boys strap in, and let's get this lesson underway.
10. PLASTIC FLOWERS
The easiest gift to get, yet you have to be so f'n cheap about it that you buy her plastic flowers? My God man, if times are that hard just go out in your best friends front yard and pull out some flowers. It will be better than going to your girls door with some flowers that look like they've been based in a ton of lotion. The same lotion that you'll be using if you dare go to your girl's house with plastic flowers.
9. BAR OF SOAP
Women like to smell good, yes. So buy them some Victoria Secret Lotion or some perfume. But coming to the house with a bar or soap says nothing to your girl but, "Damn, you need to wash yo ass!!!"
8. HALF EATEN BOX OF CHOCOLATES
Ok folks, lets not take a book out of Shook's home manual. You do not eat the candy you got your girl...that=BIG NO NO. She'll think that either 1.) You think she's fat, and she doesn't need to eat any candy that you already haven't gotten ridden of OR 2.) You put about as much thought into this gift as you did deciding rather or not you need to put on a new pair of underwear today. Either way=No Funtime for the boyfriend.
7. FREE MEMBERSHIP FOR A FITNESS CLUB
MAYDAY!!! MAYDAY!! You're calling your girl a fat ass, and you should run towards the nearest exit immediately.
6. SEX TIPS FOR GIRLS BOOK
The last thing you want to give you girl is a gift that says, "You know, when I moan...I'm faking it. Here's something to make that moan real."
5. BUST ENHANCER CUPS
Expect some serious crying to come behind this one guys, girls are sensitive about their bodies. And you saying how beautiful she is, then popping up with a gift that says.."Hey babe, you'd be perfect if you made your breast look larger,"...is not a good way to keep the romance going on Valentine's Day.
4. LET'S JUST BE FRIENDS CARD
Girls are usually the assholes in this department, but boys can be just as cruel. You DO NOT say "Let's Just Be Friends" under any circumstances, ESPECIALLY ON VALENTINE'S DAY. You might as well just take out your girls heart, and urinate on it with burning piss.
3. I.O.U LETTER
What the f***?!?! Were you born stupid, or was that an aquired trait? If you forgot Valentine's day, or you failed to buy her anything..DON'T GIVE HER AN I.O.U letter. Just spend time with her!! Valentine's day is on one day, saying you're going to give her something on another day completely defeats the purpose of V-a-l-e-n-t-i-n-e-'s day. Dumb ass!!
2. NOTHING AT ALL
Boy, if you want to look like a complete and total jackass...this is the way to go. Let your girl come to you with her gift all nicely wrapped, grinning from ear to ear, and eagerly awaiting you to open her gift. You open it, and its a very expensive watch. She then gives you that puppy dog look, and sticks out her hand..and what do you have her. NOT A GOD DAMN THING!!! Do you realize that you are now THE worst species on the planet? You might as well become an assasin, cause you just stopped this girl's life with no remorse whatsoever.
1. Last but not least …The Gift You Gave Your Ex That She Gave Back To You
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